It's not you... It's me...

Honey, We need to talk...
A walk down the greenery.

Listen... It's not you... It's me... I have changed...

Relentless silence (It's like the calm before the storm)

erm...
(Oh Man! This is damn worse than I expected!)

It's time for us to think practically. We... erm... seem to have grown apart in the last few months...

I know it's hard...
You got to move on. You have to find someone else...

Don't give me that look.

Look... Can you drive back to your place? Or do you want me to?
NO! Not for that. I told you. This is over.

We are through...

Why don't you take a matured view? Why do you make me want to snap on you?

There is no why... (Why can't this just end now?)

You want to know why? YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY?

That passion is lost! Your very sight repels me now! I don't feel anything while holding you or kissing you! Not anymore...

Why can't you let go?
You are so stupid. You never knew me. You never realized what I was capable of. You were too immersed in your love. Go drown yourself in it!

You are foolish. Do you know who I am?

I am Shady. Did you hear that?

I AM SHADY!

Dreams...

I just figured, I could actually liven up my day!

My room is totally messed up!
My right wrist is infinitely screwed up!
My laundry is finally done!
My muscles stopped aching after the hockey sessions!
My first set of five quizzes start in 11 days!
I'm confident of acing two and failing the remaining three miserably!
It's Raining! It's Awesome!
It's 2 minutes to midnight and I still got 80% of an assignment yet to be done!
...and, I'm blogging!

Oh and by the way, I saw that girl again, she still looks pretty! (That's strange... duh!)

I'm on a changing spree!

Rescheduling my time!
Refurbishing my room! (Do flowers fit in a boy's dorm room?! What say, Leela?)
Starting a whole new fitness schedule! (Jogging? Running? Swimming? Gym?)

My room needs a new look and a new feel... I got excited and wrote a list. Now, where's that...

1. Couch
2. Brand new computer
3. Flowers(?) No kidding
4. Air conditioner (are they for the labs alone?)
5. Glass windows
6. River view
7. TV
8. Microwave oven
9. Scotch always on the cards
10. A cute girl to cuddle on the couch...

This is in my mind-

Whoa! So cosy... and ___ and ___

And then, I remembered, this is IIT not MIT :x

For now, let's just dream on...

Blogging is cool! I found two great blogger friends Abhishek Leela (I've never seen them even though we live in the same campus!)

I don't even know her name...

I've written this post in a class, today (4 hours ago), as a way to get through the damned 50 min. lecture.

All around me, people started filing in to find seats. I tried to find someone I know to sit through this dreary lecture. I looked all around -

Involuntarily, our eyes met once. She is pretty. I looked away, still in search for a seat.

Five minutes later...

The course is Machine drawing theory. A study that is built on the last sem's Engineering drawing(I felt horribly repulsed by it and managed to make it through with the lowest possible grade) And, I reckon, this course would be no different.

I look around. Determined to find a way to get through the class without crashing. I figured writing is the next best thing to do. I took an arbit book out to start writing.

Class is dull. The kind of classes you know you have to get used to, now that you are in college. It's a large room. Mech. and ED students stacked up together. With 8 Air-conditioners, I guess, it's supposed to be an AC room in the least. Not one of them functioning. It is hot! damn hot and no fans either. The room is brightly lit, what with 36 lights all around us to make sure the prof. clearly notices each one of us. Today it is 120 students.

The girls are all together, a couple of rows ahead of me. I am seated 20 feet away from the prof., so I can safely write this thing while he goes on and on about screws and stuff.

A cursory glance across the room has my attention resting on a girl who I've just seen five minutes earlier. Yes, I was right. She is pretty. I've never seen this girl earlier. The pathetic girls to boys ratio made things quite bad. I don't care about this course or this room. I've decided to write on this girl.

Apart from the obvious fact that she is from mech., I've no idea who she is. She is GOOD! Fair with attractive features.

Oval face. Smooth, clear and glowing complexion. The hands were soft - like they show in the cosmetics ads and all... Facial features were awesome. Sharp nose accentuated the features and strengthened her looks.

She is meticulously taking notes. I can see she is just half interested, stifling a yawn, now and then. Taking a moment or two on rare occassions to have a word with the girls that sit on her either side.

She smiles suddenly. Wow! Beautiful smile. It's been ages since I've seen such an amazing person. Has peculiar facial features that interest me. Lovely eyes! So small and that contract even more when she laughs. This laugh makes up for the boring class that I have to sit through.

I take a moment off this girl to see what the prof. is teaching. I hear him saying, "This concludes..." I don't know what he concluded and I couldn't care less.

I looked at this girl again. I wondered who she is. How could I miss such a nice girl from my campus? I wondered whether she has anything else going for her than her pretty looks . For all I know, she must be hating guys and having a bad attitude. This was such a momentous thought, that I immediately frowned. Then... No! This girl looks decent.

She wore a flowing white dress that augmented her grace. A light blue jeans completed the terrific look. Did she spend hours before the mirror before coming to the everyday classes? Or does she look this good all the time?

Suddenly, the prof's voice cut through my sweet reverie, louder than usual. "Class is adjourned" Students started rushing out. I felt totally refreshed for the next class and it's a pmt!

I felt a short, mild vibe to talk to her in the least and thank her (lol) for getting me through this damned class. Then, I remembered; I have better things to do ;P

As I rose to leave, it hit me and I chuckled to myself -

I don't even know her name...

Running out of days...

I find it hard to believe I'm writing this after a few weeks into the semester. There are things that are thrown on me and need action and then there are those for which you are invited if you have "brains, nerve and enthu" Why would I run away? More so, I'd be virtually blind, if I didn't notice the oppurtunities skulking around the corner.

To a question from one of my good friends, I had the clichéd answer- 'I don't have time'. She queried further - "Don't you have time to do things?" or "Are you not making time for them?" I was baffled beyond words. For I knew the answer, only it's much harder to admit.

Living in a locale amidst endless bustle; I can't go wrong when listening to this song-

There’s too much work and I’m spent
There’s too much pressure and I admit
I got no time to move ahead
Have you heard one thing that I’ve said

And all these little things in life they all create this haze
There’s too many things to get done, and I’m running out of days

And I can’t last here for so long
I feel this current it’s so strong
It gets me further down the line
It gets me closer to the line

And all these little things in life they all create this haze
There’s too many things to get done, and I’m running out of days

All these little things in life they all create this haze
There’s too many things to get done, and I’m running out of days

Will all these little things in life they all create this haze
And now I’m running out of time I can’t see through this haze
My friend tell me why it has to be this way
There’s too many things to get done, and I’m running out of days

- Running out of days (3 doors down)

Engineering Design

It fits, precisely, into the third sem ED schedule :D

Summer blues

This is how I looked at the end of the 3 month long summer stay in my institute!

What do we do in the class room?

This is why life rocks at IIT-M ;)

Run! Run Hard! Run Fast!

10 month hiatus. A long one it was...

I love this feeling. I love the way my body is aching.

Long before the twilight of last year, I ceased doing one of the most exciting things in IIT-M. If my memory serves me right - it was november. A rather gruesome month - what with all the endsems and certain other things. I got stuck up in the room. More like a couch potato, brusquely put. Hockey, footer, cricket... all desires vanished into thin air.

Today will be a memorable day for me. My first match in the institute hockey field. My first ever match in any institute field. It was a practice match. And this one coming after 10 months of no physical activity.

As much obvious as it is, to say the least, I got seriously pained - physically and psychologically.

It was good. It was damn good.

On contemplation and its darker side...

Sleeping late into the afternoon sucks. Woke up with a nagging mild headache that is triggered by crashing for more hours than the body requires.

Turns out, thoughts are stressful. Contemplation on just about anything consumes enormous energy and consequently forces unnecessary stress on an already overworked but under-stimulated mind.

Most of the evening was chased away at gurunath - the campus get-together, satiating the long lost hunger for good food. It was amazing as to how I could be so immersed in a campus paper when my friends were chatting incessantly on arbit topics.

Walking down to my hostel, I realized I was still thinking, thinking of that which I can't recollect now. The paper fluttered noiselessly in my hand as I carried it all the way to the room, although I couldn't figure out any use to it.

Come the quadi and I find myself settling down near the pavillion watching my hostelites play footer. I kept with the game for sometime and then lost track. Into the much hated contemplative mood of things-that-are and things that I want them to be. Good for me that I didn't delve into the line of thinking of things-that-were. I was brought back from my short reverie (or was it 30 min?) abruptly as the football tore through air and missed my left eye by a couple of inches. The due concerns were raised but of course, no one really expects someone immersed in a chain of thoughts when being a couple of meters away from one of the goal-keepers.

I got up and realized the players have changed considerably and I, whose aim was to play, found myself doing something way different from what I should be doing. Anyway, I just had food, so considered against playing.

Now, what's this rant about? Thoughts.

Some people refuse to think before acting and some think way too much before acting and there are some who just think relentlessly and don't act.

The choice is mine.

Is this true? or Is that true? and Is there a truth?

There was this senior who, while taking intro sessions, had asked me to rate my happiness quotient on a scale of 10. I, unperturbed and swift, answered a score that I couldn't disagree more today - [this is a note to myself, on what things are and what they could be in future] I would be tempted to write down the score. But I desist. Though, I'm quite sure, if this question would be asked by that person again, I would tell him to @#$& &$#. Not to put a fine point on it but any question coming from him would be met with the same answer, as a result of some matters that had come to be.

At half past 3 in the morning, with one of the disco nights music playing on my computer for a change, I begin to wonder, if what one desperately likes to have now, would remain as true, in a couple of years, months, days and hours(?)

The value we place on a thing would effortlessly depend on the environment we live in. As an obvious consequence, it takes effort (read - really great effort) to overcome this reflex and assume an identity. An identity that would conform to itself irrespective of the circumstances-to-be and the circumstances-that-are.

This line of thinking soothes me, when I'm down, imagining the things that I would rather have and the things that I would, otherwise have had. After all, it might not be what I want. duh! there it comes... This fleeting bliss of uncertainity quickly resolves itself into anxiety as I note that this would also mean, I might be wrong in the things that I'm very much sure of.

I would stop the thought at that and go crash, which I should be doing since I've athletics practice at 7 AM (!) Btw, whose decision was it that shady will go practice at 7?

Trusting my banshee screamer alarm, that is quite capable of screaming the whole wing down, if I don't turn it off.